Killing DPS for Fun and Profit

If anyone has been wondering why the “About the Authors” page mentions that I have a  tendency towards rampant murder of DPS characters, I’ll explain. My co-tank and I play a game that we call Bingo. The rules are pretty fast and loose, but the general object of the game is to kill as many people as possible. Bonus points are awarded for style and creative kills, and huge penalty points are assessed for causing wipes. We play this game on trash pulls, and occasionally even farm bosses.  The DPS get to hunt parses – the tanks get to hunt the DPS.

But at least I got some ranged.

Not Bingo

We call the game Bingo because Grid makes a convenient 5×5 array, and if you can make a line in any direction that’s something pretty special. The tanks of Edge have been playing Bingo for longer than I’ve been around – ever since they decided that they missed the 360 degree cleave, and started re-inventing it whenever possible. My first exposure to the game was on the pre-Kalecgos trash, when I received a whisper suggesting that I should stay put with my cleaving mob so that the bears could position theirs into a flower of melee-cleaving mayhem. I was instantly hooked.

Two Warlocks. Bonus Points.

Almost the Elusive Ranged Bingo

Over the years, we’ve developed new techniques for creating subtle yet lethal traps for our DPS in a continuing arms race of carefully focused malevolence against increasing DPS paranoia.  The melee are all onto the 360 degree cleave technique, with back to back cleaving mobs.  They can find the safe spot off to the side, most of the time.  But rotating the mobs very slowly and without any fanfare managed to catch them off guard a few times, but it, too, quickly became old hat.  Something that’s surprisingly fun is to turn the mob around while it’s casting something.  It’s a bit like hunting fish with dynamite, but if you’re having an off night then it works wonders for keeping the fear levels high.

Bingo, Motherfuckers.

That's a Bingo! That is what you say, right? That's a Bingo?

Melee aren’t the only ones at risk, they’re just the most conveniently located targets.  Effectively executing your ranged DPS requires a delicate touch, especially since they’re often co-located with healers, and it’s considered poor form to off your healers.  When we still used some CC on trash, it was a little easier – we could rely on someone to bork their CC and suddenly a very convenient excuse to drag the cleaving/whirlwinding death-train back into the ranged clump would arise.  With AoE raid trash, though, it’s a bit trickier.  One of my personal favorites is to salv the tank who’s tanking the least amount of stuff.  Otherwise, it’s all a movement game, finding a way to sneak in nice and close without them realizing that something fishy is going on.  You need to pace yourself.  If you just rush over to the ranged, they’ll see you coming and scatter – make it look natural.  Move out of fire just a little bit too far every time.  It’s critical that you close the gap without spooking them.

One fun twist on the game can be to decide on a designated target for the night.  It’s less about playing Bingo than it is about making someone beg for Jeeves as often as humanly possible.  Generally we only do this when someone has earned it with a crime so severe that it merits extreme punishment.  They could have made a terrible joke on vent, or made a snarky comment about the tanks.  Or they could have gone so far as to mention that TV show that will not be named.  So just remember, kids: Never offend your tanks.  Your tanks fight dirty.

Tanks and healers never get to AFK trash, and never get to let up focus.  I don’t see why the DPS shouldn’t be forced to stay on their toes, too.  It’s like a training regimen, really.  At least that’s how I justify it to myself.

It’s not paranoia when we really are all out to get you.  And for the tanks:

Happy Hunting.

This entry was posted in Humor, Mel's Random Musings, Tanking. Bookmark the permalink.

55 Responses to Killing DPS for Fun and Profit

  1. Zelmaru says:

    Hey if they can’t keep themselves alive, they deserve to be Bingo.

  2. I’m… speechless. And unsure whether to be utterly horrified… or bow down in worship.

  3. Derevka says:

    What Mel forgets to point out… is that his healers have to pick up after his mess while he scuttles off to the next trash pull. :-p

  4. Esoth says:

    Whoops, I accidentally MD’d another pack to the tank – I hope he can handle it!

    • Meloree says:

      In case anyone wonders why hunters are also worth bonus points…

      • Esoth says:

        I need to find more ways to troll tanks. I’d always run into big packs with my mage on alt runs – with invis up. A bit predictable now though.

        Fake MD whisper macros when they are DPS for a fight works.

      • Meloree says:

        I’m not helping you with that. I’m firmly on the side of the tanks in this ongoing struggle.

        Although, I do die a little bit inside every time a hunter or rogue “forgets” to update their tricks/MD macro (or any of the other excuses). I guess that’s more of a Raid Leader troll than a tank troll.

      • anafielle says:

        Oh how I love being in DPS spec and getting the tricks/MD whispers…. like ret needed more burst threat!

      • Meloree says:

        That’s how hunters play dirty to win the meters. They make you back off with all your cooldowns up.

  5. ILikeBubbles says:

    As a former tank, I am amused.

    As a current melee DPS, I quail and am glad I am not in your guild.

  6. Suzushiiro says:

    Fuck, now I want to reroll tank.

  7. Saif says:

    Goddamn, and I thought I was bad with my stealth bubbles to make the person top on threat scream with horror every now and again.

  8. Gallo says:

    i really wish you could do this with a 10 man group…

  9. ithilyn says:

    I find this repulsive. I thoroughly disagree with making healers’ lives more miserable and I’m glad I don’t raid with you.

  10. Donthealme says:

    The 4 packs of caster mobs in bot before halfus are amazing for this pull all 4 both tanks claim being silenced….profit

    • Donthealme says:

      Also atramedes trash pull the 2nd pack before the first is dead tons of mobs whith bladestorm and stay of execution….zdps hasn’t caught on to either nearly a month later

      • Meloree says:

        Excellent tips. I like you!

        We’ve never had much luck with any of the BWD trash, unfortunately. BoT trash isn’t bad, but you generally have to abuse Crossfires to kill any squishies in the pre-halfus trash, or let the Brutes whirlwind for the pre-Valiona trash, and our DPS is pretty wise to that now… they control those mobs fairly effectively.

        The caster pack, unfortunately, can’t really kill anything, tanked or untanked. :(

      • Donthealme says:

        I suspect our healers aid on the caster mobs, our dps caught onto the brute whirlwinds fairly quickly

      • Theck says:

        Pulling both packs together should be a mandatory gate to attempting Atramedes on heroic mode. There’s nothing quite as amusing in BWD as the SuperDwarf you end up with once the first 7 are dead.

        • Meloree says:

          I can’t justify pulling both packs… given that they heal to full when one dies, there’s no speed benefit to doing so. We have pulled both before, but that’s normally when someone is dumb and gets into agro range, but it really works out to be just a time waste.

      • Theck says:

        You don’t do it because it gives you any speed benefit (it doesn’t). You do it so you can fight the SuperDwarf!

        Bonus points if you kill the Whirlwind or Execution dwarves first. I can only imagine the absolute hilarity of having 7 whirlwinding dwarves to deal with at the same time. :P

      • Feist says:

        You don’t need to pull both at once to engage Super-Dorf. You just need to pull the second pack while the last dwarf from the first pack is at ~10% HP.

        Especially if you pull the half with burden of the throne first, you probably do actually gain a (tiny) speed benefit by doing that even.

      • Donthealme says:

        So last night we pulled both packs at once instead of the normal pull the second when the last dwarf is at 25%. Not only that but killed the whirlwind mob first followed by execution sentance…..let me say the time lost was more than worth it seeing 7 whirlwinding dwarves and a few seconds later 6 sentances going on.

  11. Orthien says:

    I know just the checky gnome lock that is deserving of this treatment. Time for a Pally tank pact to bring him down a peg since nothing else works. I shall try this 10man Bingo.

  12. Being an ex-raiding tank, yes ive been guilty of this. Mostly to those dps that deserve it most.
    The body pullers, the dps that offload before the mobs even get to you, the dps that specifically target the 1 mob that you have aggro on, but is inconveniently out of range of your aoe abilities. The snide dps. The GOGOGOGOGO dps. The dps that only care about their epeen, threat, CC and interupts be damned!

    In 5 mans, pulling with exorcism is a good strat when you have dps that love to offload massive aoe. You get 1 mob to tank, they get the rest (with bubble ready for the healer).

    MC is glorious when it happens to an annoying party member. I pop wings and goto town on their ass.

    Im guessing its a bit more friendly natured in a guild raiding enviroment :D

    Elli @ Khaz’Goroth

  13. Mikasa says:

    We used to do this with locks all the way through bt and swp. they never cought on, was always there fault for over agro. 4 raidin locks and if you could pwn them all on a single trash pull u got gold.

    why locks? i was mage and in charge :D

  14. Tilo says:

    So basically you are perpetuating the saying that tanks are self-centered oligargic assholes. Well done.

    And just for the record, I’m not defending stupid dps, but when in a colaboration game one of the support classes actively try to kill their partners it’s not the game whats wrong but the people who plays it.

    If

  15. Nessa says:

    This is awesome. I have renewed reason to begin tanking again

  16. Valanice says:

    It’s so funny when the tanks pull shenanigans like these and the rest of the raid laughs… then when the boss dies and it drops loot for them, remove them from the raid.

    Man, it’s fun to be raid leader.

  17. sorcha says:

    Could you please make a vid of you doing this hehe

    • Meloree says:

      I keep meaning to record a few weeks worth of raid-nights, pick out the good moments, and build a compilation video set to something like The Killing Game by Skinny Puppy. One day I’ll get around to it :)

  18. lemonsq says:

    Well I always knew tanks were superior beings. legends in their own lunchtime no less, and I guess all that banging around getting the old fat head through the doorway finally ruptured the last living brain cell of this one. Really does explain a lot about the pug /ragequits when the tank can’t get his own way and has a hissy fit on the carpet.

  19. toodles says:

    Recruit your priest healers. They’re your friends; not your enemies. Give them the heads up on who the designated target for the night is and they can surely help you out with convenient life grips.

    Happy hunting!!

  20. Matty says:

    Oh. Good to know. Not sure knowing is going to help me though. I’m too busy causing my own painful deaths. One bored tank or two won’t change much, sorry to say.

  21. smakendahed says:

    I’ve done this sort of thing in a 25man raid. I sent other hunters and rogues tells to join a channel then we’d pick targets in the channel. Nothing like having three hunters and two rogues dumping threat on someone.

    It was impossible to get a tank killed short of just being bad and agroing more stuff. And we never targeted a healer – which would have made killing a tank easier – gotta keep them happy with you.

  22. I’m horrified, truly. I thought that simple disapproval would suffice but I’m apparently a sick, sick bastard and am now contemplating the multitude of ways I can use the Megaera trash to keep my DPS on their toes (those ungrateful AFK’ing slackers). Thank you so much for this Terrible (Wonderful) plan (plot).

Leave a Reply