If you’re a member of a raiding guild, you probably have a Raid Leader. I’m going to give you a little bit of insight into the damaged psyche of the tormented soul forced to suffer through that particular hell – for you.
Your Raid Leader probably started out as a nice guy or girl, someone who demonstrated better than average situational awareness and got suckered into a position that tends to appear glamorous from the outside. After a couple of weeks of this kind of torment, though, torn between some form of loyalty to the guild and hope that it might someday get better, the nice guy that your Raid Leader used to be is beginning to wear thin…
And it’s all YOUR fault.
All of those foibles that you used to laugh about with your Raid Leader, if your tenure in guild predates their sentencing, just aren’t funny to one who has been afflicted with the responsibility of making sure that twenty four other people have a successful raid. Not anymore; right now your Raid Leader has a deep and abiding hatred for you. It’s not some form of general hatred for raiders, or anything simple like that – it’s deep and it’s personal and it’s individual. Your Raid Leader hates you entirely for being you.
Are you the person who makes “that’s what she said” jokes when your Raid Leader is trying to motivate the raid after a bad wipe? To steal a phrase from Anafielle, “I’m firing up the hate machine”.
How about that raider that takes off his headset in between pulls, and then comes up with the brilliant idea to use the strategy he didn’t know the rest of the raid has been using for three pulls now? A little part of your Raid Leader’s soul just died, and there aren’t many pieces left.
Relentlessly negative guy? Relentlessly positive guy? You both suck. Argumentative guy? Die in a fire. Which brings us to Die In a Fire Guy. Oh, Die In a Fire Guy… your Raid Leader dreams about the day there’s a good app from your class, but unfortunately they seem really hard to find right now.
Overly defensive guy? Dude, you screwed up, take your beating like a man.
Are you a former Raid Leader? Oh, there’s a special hell for you. You know the pain your Raid Leader is going through every minute of every raid, and all you can contribute is “We didn’t do it like this in my guild.” Dante would have written a whole extra volume if he knew about you.
Are you The Fidgeter? You can’t help but strafe left and right over and over again while DPSing, even though there’s strictly assigned positions and spacing requirements? Raid Leader wants to line your chair with sandpaper. That’ll cure the fidgeting.
Rage guy? Believe it or not, your Raid Leader has a soft spot for you. The rest of the raid hates you, but your Raid Leader feels like you really Get It. So thanks, Rage Guy. We really do love you, even if we can’t show it.
Apologize for tiny mistakes while the pull is still going guy? SHUT UP HOLY GOD PLEASE JUST SHUT UP WE’RE BUSY FUCK WE JUST WIPED I HATE YOU.
Which brings us to the Raid MVP. You’re the guy who just can’t help but explain how awesome that thing he just did was, did we all just see that? Yes. And we saw the attempts before where you were trying to pull it off and got people killed. Congratulations, Champ.
WoW Lore Nerd Guy? Your Raid Leader doesn’t care that Sinestra, or more properly Sintharia, is the second cousin twice removed to Tyrion’s nephew’s kindergarten teacher’s second husband’s pet breeder. But we care that you think that’s more important to talk about than how you just killed the whole raid.
How about deeply convoluted strategy guy? You’re probably a computer programmer or something, you’ll start coming up with ideas with a million different “if, then” conditionals that can’t possibly work because no one else will remember them all? Raid Leader wants you to stick your head up your ass and check for recursive loops there.
After a couple of months, your poor tormented Raid Leader only barely knows you by name. He or she just thinks of you by a little pet name based on what they hate most about you.
You might be an officer – no matter what your Raid Leader says, there’s an extra special level of hate your Raid Leader has for you. Because your Raid Leader has certain expectations from the officers, and you never ever fail to let him down. He wants more from you, he believes that he deserves more from you, and you continually let him down.
It’s probably not entirely your fault. I’m sure you’re a great person. But your Raid Leader thinks you’re terrible.
Final Boss
Khira <Temerity>
<3
…..
That’s only on bad days, I swear!
Really
Mmmhmm. Sorry, did I just break the Raid Leader code and give away a big secret? *grin*
I laughed because it’s all true.
/ponders a GM edition
I have the unfortunate curse of being both. But I’ll look forward to reading your take on the subject
And here I thought I was the only one who was cursed with both
Whenever someone does this in Big Crits it is guild tradition for me to pull out Sebudai’s classic “NOBODY GIVES A FUCK ABOUT WHAT YOUR OLD GUILD DID. YOUR OLD GUILD SUCKED. THAT’S WHY YOU’RE IN OUR GUILD” quote.
My real response tends to be “That’s great, post it in the forums and we’ll evaluate for next week.” I do always think of the Sebudai classic, though.
LOL I now know where metrotank/cancerboss whatever his name was then go that from, he prob still says it in the new guild he is in now.
Dear god I laughed hysterically this whole time. Great post!!
Oh gosh, I’ve been there. I love this post! So fricken funny. 😀
You’re probably a computer programmer or something, you’ll start coming up with ideas with a million different “if, then” conditionals that can’t possibly work because no one else will remember them all?
I had to explain Ony to a pug group this way. Thankfully I am a programmer and was leading the raid.
If Whelps are up… Kill them
else if Add is up and you’re melee. Kill it
else if you’re ranged and Ony is in the air. Shoot her
else
smack Ony. But not on the butt because she isn’t a whore.
then
profit!
Oooh… touched a nerve then, did I? 😛
More seriously, there’s a certain amount of “if, then” type conditionals in the strategy for any fight. There’s a difference between the 2-3 steps you want to keep it down to for any phase, and the 39 step treatise that some people seem to think is “easy and simple to follow”.
A strategy is good not when there’s nothing left to add to it, but when there’s nothing else that you can take away.
Also, I don’t think most of my raiders could follow that control flow you laid out. They’d throw some kind of exception error on not being able to multidot.
I spy someone else that speaks programmerese.
I can speak Code Monkey, yeah. I worked with too many engineers for too long, in my younger and more foolish days.
This made me chortle, and I’m a programmer!
I’m currently in the process of getting a 10 man raid group off the ground.. reading this made me laugh, followed by a terrible terrible flood of “awww crap”
I think I’m still in the, “Your Raid Leader probably started out as a nice guy or girl, someone who demonstrated better than average situational awareness and got suckered into a position that tends to appear glamorous from the outside. ” phase..
Please say a prayer for me
GET OUT WHILE YOU STILL CAN!!!!!
Good luck, and my sympathy, sir. Come look me up when you have your first episode of Raid Leader Syndrome (RLS).
This post does not apply to me. My raid leader does not hate me for being the guy who makes bad jokes at inappropriate times. My entire guild hates me for making bad jokes at inappropriate times 😀
That may well be true, but your Raid Leader feels that pain most keenly.
Like nails on a chalkboard, every single time. His/her future aneurism is entirely your fault.
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Love it. What a great post. I lol’d the whole time, thanks, cept….I don’t know where I fit in and am scared now….lol
Well, there’s a bunch more options. Look forward to the forthcoming sequel article*: More Raiders that I Hate.
As a sneak preview, it includes “Arguing a trivial point long past the point of reason” guy, and “I watched Paragon’s video of this” guy.
* Not actually a forthcoming article – we’re a little new to resort to sequels already.
It BETTER be forthcoming! *cracks whip*
WRITE, MY BLOG MONKEY, WRITE!
Yes ma’am, right away ma’am.
So sorry to have disappointed you ma’am.
I’ll get back to work right away. Please may I have a glass of water first, and perhaps some moldy bread crust?
Awesome! I laughed out loud. For real! Not just regular LOL!
I loved this Mel.
As a Raid Leader and GM I feel the pain here, its sad to read this and laugh knowing that deep down those people that used to be friends really do spark that little burning ember of hatred inside you.
Great work.
Thanks very much.
All good humor has some truth to it, after all.
…. I love you…. It’s so true….
<— RL
Hehe, ok, so I posted a thread on our guild forums that included a link to your post. Our raid leader left a comment with a couple of other “hated” players. Thought I’d share….
1) “I’M STANDING IN SHIT TO BUILD RAGE, HEALERS DEAL WITH IT” GUY
or
2) “I KNOW EVERYTHING THERE IS TO KNOW ABOUT YOUR CLASS AND AM NOW GOING TO TELL YOU HOW TO PLAY” GUY
or
3) “I ADAPT WELL AND HATE YOUR VOICE, SO I’LL BE WATCHING PORN”” GUY
or
4) “EATING FOOD ISN’T GOING TO GET US A KILL – SCREW YOU ASH” GUY
or
5) “THAT WAS TOTALLY MY FAULT EVEN THOUGH IT WASN’T BUT WANT ATTENTION” GUY
or
6) “I HATE OUR HEALERS, EXCEPT THE LADY ONE” GUY
or
7) “I AM #1 IN DPS AND AM A WOW GOD – HOW DARE YOU QUESTION ME” GUY
1) That’s not a guy, that’s a warrior. It’s a class feature that when they try and DPS they behave as if they’ve just had a fresh prefrontal lobotomy. You can’t blame them for that. You can only pity them.
2) If it’s a mage, start teasing him about the time he blinked off the ledge at Lich King. If it’s a warlock, position all mobs so he can’t multidot. Those are the only two classes that ever try and pull that attitude off, though.
3) Hate that guy. Hope he chafes.
4) I miss that guy. He was a really nice guy sometimes, before he got gkicked.
5) I want to kill that guy. “I don’t think it was me, but you can blame me anyway.” No, dumbass, it’s not about blame, it’s about problem resolution. Blaming someone doesn’t fix the problem.
6) He’s in training. Future raid leader, IMO. As soon as he learns to hate without gender bias, he’ll be set.
7) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lJStjooGRvA
Dont forget
Holy shit did you see that play guy?(thsi 5 seconds after he died)
Already got that guy… he’s the Raid MVP 😛
LOL, I was actually referring to the guy who is always watching TV while raiding, and every time they seem to mention it they have just died.
Ahh, yes. My guild knows how I react if they actually admit to watching TV during progression… they won’t admit it anymore.
Where does “has the deep need to immediately correct the raid leader if even ONE ability of the current fight was wrongly explained, points out mistakes and ALWAYS has an other strategy that is, according to him, much easier”?
’cause that’d be me.
Where do you what? Where do you fit in to my nightmares? Globally muted.
As a GM and RL this was hilarious, I had to share with my guild
Hopefully they enjoyed, then. Thanks
SO TRUE. OMG.
I continue to make this a must read for all my raiders late in the season… Thanks for the great read